thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Peter and I had a lovely time with a small gathering of friends in our home. It was nice to have the smell of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and pumpkin pie fill our apartment. it was heavenly.

but...we missed you all. very much!

bossy and helpful

one of the complaints some americans have about koreans is their manner of "helping people". koreans tend to be a bit aggressive when offering help. a great example of their pushy helpfulness is with food. when you go to someone's home for dinner, be prepared to eat until you need to unbutton your pants and lay down for a while. the host or hostess will say (repeatedly), "eat more please!" or "you hardly ate anything, you need to eat more!" you can't just say, "i'm full", because to koreans that just translates into.. "sure! i'll have some more!"

i learned to pace my eating when with koreans because almost always they eat their meals in courses....and you must eat each course otherwise you'll be bombarded with all kinds of awkward questions like "are you dieting?", "do you not like the food? It doesn't taste good?", "do you want something different?" (and you don't want to go there, cause that opens a whole new can of worms)

i realize how this type of behavior can be interpreted as overbearing, which at times it is, but most of the time it is done with good intentions. koreans have a very common trust with one another and often help one another, stranger, friend or family. strangers frequently ask mothers if they can hold their baby or play with them. strangers offer one another food when in public places, like sharing fruit with someone they notice is sitting alone or offer candy to a child. americans don't do this...we don't touch other people's kids, we don't share food with strangers (unless you work the samples aisle), and we definitely don't take candy from strangers.

the other day i saw a blind man on the subway. he was transferring from one line to another. at the transfer station there were huge crowds of people, which makes it all the more difficult to go up and down stairs and walk down narrow ramps. i noticed how the people around him would quietly and gently take his elbow and guide him to the ramps or direct him to the subway sliding doors. there was no exchange of words, people would just jump right in and offer their help when they saw when help may be needed. it did not seem pushy and the help was all well accepted. the exchange of help and gratitude was just like watching a smooth dance. it was beautiful to see people taking care of each other well and people accepting help well.

i'm finding this balance of taking in some of the refreshing qualities I see among Koreans and fitting it into my "american" perspective. I've grown up with the idea that I need to be independent and not rely on other people to bail me out when I'm in trouble. I've learned to be cautious of strangers and be "smart" about who/what I trust, but while i've been in korea i'm seeing there are different and lovely ways of being that may be very different from the cultural ideals i've known for so long.

getting close

in the united states people are much more cautious about "intruding" the space of other people or respecting their "bubbles". well, in korea, there is no such thing as a bubble. you learn that quickly when you ride on the bus, subway, or escalator. people are constantly rubbing shoulders with you, bumping you, standing inches from your face. i think most americans would be completely shocked by this intrusion of personal space. i was at first. there were times buses or subways would be so crowded i think i could have lifted my legs off the ground and still be left standing the space was so tight. crazy.

it's interesting how korean people don't mind this closeness. for example, in america if a person is waiting for the elevator, and, when it opens it is full of people they will wait, smile, hold up their hand to say, "i pass. thanks anyway, you all can just close the doors cause i don't want you all up in my space and i don't want to be all up in your space." but in Korea....a crowded elevator opens and the Korean is thinking..."i'm just going to try to squeeze on in there....I'm sure I can find a little spot". Peter and I have been on an elevator where so many people were inside that the elevator wouldn't move. all of the poeple kept trying to push the buttons to make the elevator doors close, and the "emergency-there-are-too-many-kilos-in-this-tiny-elevator-dinging was squealing. no matter now fervently they pushed the "close door button" the elevator was not moving. eventually someone had to give up and just get off and take the stairs....it was a stand-off....and i lost.

also, even when we're packed like sardines, face to face with strangers, there is no sense of awkwardness among the people. in the u.s. if we're in a crowded space, someone will always try to cut the tension with a cheesy joke...."i hope no one ate egg salad for lunch.." or "i hope everyone put on their deodorant today..." but koreans just stand there, silent, avoiding eye contact (cause then it really becomes awkward) and wait for the bus/subway to become less crowded. i've become very used to it. in fact, when i return to the u.s. i think i may be popping some personal bubbles, standing closer to you than necessary. korea is rubbing off on me...

prodigal blogger returns

hi everyone.

it's been a long time. how are you? things in korea have been busy, fun, and full of good things. peter's dad, dash, was here for a two week visit which was really wonderful. it is always nice to have family around...it makes you realize how much you miss being only a short drive away.

we traveled to various cities in korea, had lots of good food, and many lovely conversations.

here are some quick updates about us:

-school and work are going fine. we're getting to know our co-workers better which has been great. making new friends is always nice.

-we are headed to BOSTON in december! my school is sending me there to participate in a conference. i'll post more details later.

-we miss you all very much. please shoot us an email or comment on a blog to say hello.

i will do my best to be a better blogger..thanks for still reading despite my negligence : )