bossy and helpful

one of the complaints some americans have about koreans is their manner of "helping people". koreans tend to be a bit aggressive when offering help. a great example of their pushy helpfulness is with food. when you go to someone's home for dinner, be prepared to eat until you need to unbutton your pants and lay down for a while. the host or hostess will say (repeatedly), "eat more please!" or "you hardly ate anything, you need to eat more!" you can't just say, "i'm full", because to koreans that just translates into.. "sure! i'll have some more!"

i learned to pace my eating when with koreans because almost always they eat their meals in courses....and you must eat each course otherwise you'll be bombarded with all kinds of awkward questions like "are you dieting?", "do you not like the food? It doesn't taste good?", "do you want something different?" (and you don't want to go there, cause that opens a whole new can of worms)

i realize how this type of behavior can be interpreted as overbearing, which at times it is, but most of the time it is done with good intentions. koreans have a very common trust with one another and often help one another, stranger, friend or family. strangers frequently ask mothers if they can hold their baby or play with them. strangers offer one another food when in public places, like sharing fruit with someone they notice is sitting alone or offer candy to a child. americans don't do this...we don't touch other people's kids, we don't share food with strangers (unless you work the samples aisle), and we definitely don't take candy from strangers.

the other day i saw a blind man on the subway. he was transferring from one line to another. at the transfer station there were huge crowds of people, which makes it all the more difficult to go up and down stairs and walk down narrow ramps. i noticed how the people around him would quietly and gently take his elbow and guide him to the ramps or direct him to the subway sliding doors. there was no exchange of words, people would just jump right in and offer their help when they saw when help may be needed. it did not seem pushy and the help was all well accepted. the exchange of help and gratitude was just like watching a smooth dance. it was beautiful to see people taking care of each other well and people accepting help well.

i'm finding this balance of taking in some of the refreshing qualities I see among Koreans and fitting it into my "american" perspective. I've grown up with the idea that I need to be independent and not rely on other people to bail me out when I'm in trouble. I've learned to be cautious of strangers and be "smart" about who/what I trust, but while i've been in korea i'm seeing there are different and lovely ways of being that may be very different from the cultural ideals i've known for so long.

getting close

in the united states people are much more cautious about "intruding" the space of other people or respecting their "bubbles". well, in korea, there is no such thing as a bubble. you learn that quickly when you ride on the bus, subway, or escalator. people are constantly rubbing shoulders with you, bumping you, standing inches from your face. i think most americans would be completely shocked by this intrusion of personal space. i was at first. there were times buses or subways would be so crowded i think i could have lifted my legs off the ground and still be left standing the space was so tight. crazy.

it's interesting how korean people don't mind this closeness. for example, in america if a person is waiting for the elevator, and, when it opens it is full of people they will wait, smile, hold up their hand to say, "i pass. thanks anyway, you all can just close the doors cause i don't want you all up in my space and i don't want to be all up in your space." but in Korea....a crowded elevator opens and the Korean is thinking..."i'm just going to try to squeeze on in there....I'm sure I can find a little spot". Peter and I have been on an elevator where so many people were inside that the elevator wouldn't move. all of the poeple kept trying to push the buttons to make the elevator doors close, and the "emergency-there-are-too-many-kilos-in-this-tiny-elevator-dinging was squealing. no matter now fervently they pushed the "close door button" the elevator was not moving. eventually someone had to give up and just get off and take the stairs....it was a stand-off....and i lost.

also, even when we're packed like sardines, face to face with strangers, there is no sense of awkwardness among the people. in the u.s. if we're in a crowded space, someone will always try to cut the tension with a cheesy joke...."i hope no one ate egg salad for lunch.." or "i hope everyone put on their deodorant today..." but koreans just stand there, silent, avoiding eye contact (cause then it really becomes awkward) and wait for the bus/subway to become less crowded. i've become very used to it. in fact, when i return to the u.s. i think i may be popping some personal bubbles, standing closer to you than necessary. korea is rubbing off on me...

prodigal blogger returns

hi everyone.

it's been a long time. how are you? things in korea have been busy, fun, and full of good things. peter's dad, dash, was here for a two week visit which was really wonderful. it is always nice to have family around...it makes you realize how much you miss being only a short drive away.

we traveled to various cities in korea, had lots of good food, and many lovely conversations.

here are some quick updates about us:

-school and work are going fine. we're getting to know our co-workers better which has been great. making new friends is always nice.

-we are headed to BOSTON in december! my school is sending me there to participate in a conference. i'll post more details later.

-we miss you all very much. please shoot us an email or comment on a blog to say hello.

i will do my best to be a better blogger..thanks for still reading despite my negligence : )

i'm still here!

hi everyone. i haven't forgotten about you or the blog. sorry to leave you in the dark these past couple weeks. i will blog soon with many little narratives... but for now, i must head to bed. love you all!

funny moments

• scenario: while in a whole group activity, a boy whispers into his friend's ear that he's in love with one of the girls in our class. the friend impulsively yells out while pointing his finger, "He's in love with you!" The girl reacts saying, "Disgusting." The boy in love buries his head in his hands in embarrassment and rejection. Then the girl feeling a little guilty for her strong reaction, places her hand on her chest and says very earnestly, "I mean...it's just that I'm so young."
• I mentioned my mom in class one day and nearly all of my students' heads cocked to the side with bewilderment. Then four or five of them yelled out, "silly mrs. watt, we know you don't have a mom!" my students believe i live in my classroom, orphaned, and do math worksheets in my free time for fun. love it.
• each morning the kids have a "mystery number" to guess. I give them lots of hints, such as "this number has 5 tens, it is greater than 56 but less than 58". the other day i gave a hint for a mystery number (the first hint): "this is how old my sister is..." immediately, hands shot up in the air to guess (with much enthusiasm and certainty might I add) "65!" I responded, "not that old..." another kid guessed "61!" now, my students have never seen a photo of susan, but only have me as a reference. my last class guessed i was still a teenager...i guess i've aged 40 years since... ha!

mr. announcer guy

Each apartment complex has a management office where they dilligently help any/all residents with their various needs. once we had a clogged drain and within 10 minutes 2 repairmen were at our door ready to unclog. great, speedy, and helpful service.

another interesting thing about korean apartments is they have a built in PA system. every few days we hear an anouncement bell go off (do-so-do, for you musicians out there) with a voice following. the announcer is an older gentlement, usually the same guy each time. he has this same pattern of words and tone every time. in fact, i usually say it along with him when the announcement begins: (all in korean, of course) "excuse me & hello. this is the management office..." his sounds like a tired, college professor trying to explain something to his thick-headed students for the fourth time. when we first arrived in korea i hoped they weren't making any critically important announcements since i couldn't really understand them...like "don't take the elevator. it's broken and you may plunge to your death" or "be sure to avoid the front door because of snakes". i know, my imagination runs wild sometimes...

it turns out the announcements are often reminders or gentle admonishments to the residents. something like "don't forget to drain your food trash before you pour it in the compost" or "please don't smoke in the public restrooms." or "did anyone leave a crying 4-year old child on the fourth floor? please come claim him"

as my korean improves, the more i understand. the more i understand, the more i realize these announcements/interactions with people are usually not so serious. i have yet to translate an announcement about plunging elevators or snakes (knock on wood). i'm improving day by day and i feel really proud of myself when i understand something that i didn't understand last week. i'm becoming more independent and trying to handle some of my "business" on my own without relying on others. it feels good.

first graders are...

• happy, excited, and eager to embrace all the world has to offer
• messy. snot and boogers don't seem to bother them. in fact, some of them seem to really enjoy having that stuff on their fingers.
• cuddly. i couldn't count the number of hugs i get each day. 1st graders are not at all passive aggressive about their need for affection, they just get up, walk toward me and give me a big, massive bear hug. even in the middle of a math lesson : )
• not always interested in sharing. i've heard my share of arguments about "my crayon!" "no, my crayon"... it's not like they're made of gold, kids. arguing about not sharing has been outlawed in our classroom
• not shy to revel in their glory. one of my favorite things to tell my kids after they've done something great: "wow. i'm so proud of you. you must be so proud of yourself, eh?" and always always my kids give me a grin as bright as the sun and nod their head with pure delight. love it.
• eager to be first. first in line, first to go to the bathroom, first to get their paper, first to eat lunch. first, first, first.
• peacemakers. when there is conflict in the classroom, i encourage kids to "talk through their problems". they are quick to forgive, hug, and be friends again grudge-free. if only adults emulated first graders in the way they forgave..
• funny. man, oh man, the things first graders say. i think i crack up at least once a day.
• "improv-ers". they like to raise their hand without having any clue what the question is or what their answer will be. I could ask my kids to explain why 'e=mc squared' and i'm 99% sure at least 7 kids would raise their hand and fumble their way through a contrived explanation.
• sweet hearted, innocent, and brave little people. they are sensitive to the world around them and are vastly aware of the injustice of the world. they desire to see good around them and are not afraid to point out wrongdoings. their big hearts are constantly churning and changing by their daily experiences.
• my teachers. they teach me something every day.