my halmonee, my grandma

dear halmonee,

It's been a long time since I last saw you.  I wish you were here.  Living here makes me wonder what life would have been like if I lived near you...if I would know your face better.  your voice better.  i miss you.

sometimes i think i see you in crowded streets.  other grandmas walking along with the same glasses you wore, same hairstyle and the same gait.  the thought of you crosses my mind each time i smell ginseng tea, tiger balm, or sesame --I still have vivid memories of after school snacks of kim chi bogumbop, hot and ready to serve when i came home.  you'd spoon feed me even though i was 8.  i let you, cause i secretly liked it and could feel the depth of your love for me in each nourishing bite.

you taught me how to tell time.  you'd point out where the big and short hands needed to be so i could catch the bus.  you'd explain in your korean, but i only understood so much.  

grandma, do you remember when i was little and sang really loudly in our basement?  i sang along with all of the tv jingles and commercials and when I sang along to a commercial that said "love and harmony" you would always answer sweetly from the top of the basement steps because you thought i was calling your name.  i would always giggle and you would just look at me gently, lovingly.

halmonee, i think you'd be proud of me.  sometimes it's hard finding my place here but i'm learning a lot.  i'm learning korean, cooking korean meals, and surviving here in this unfamiliar place--this country of my heritage and i'm slowly getting to know it better.

and one day, i hope, i will feel like korea is mine, just as much as it was yours. 

love,

your granddaughter, sora